


you restless heart

by noirshitsuji



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Deception, F/M, Final Battle, Gen, Happy Days - Freeform, Hurt, Introspection, Lies, Love, Memories, friends - Freeform, our!Ciel/Lizzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 02:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20753189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirshitsuji/pseuds/noirshitsuji
Summary: He tells himself it is fine if he lies to her. Let her believe he is his brother while it lasts – they will not have a happy ending either way.





	you restless heart

_you came this far_

_..._

_you're in the dark,_

_why did you lose?_

It is a warm summer day, but he had been feeling weak all morning and Ciel had ‘earl lessons’ with their tutor, so Lizzie had consented to play chess in the room where they normally had fencing practice.

He could tell that her heart was not into it, though, by the mistakes she was making – she had been improving under his ‘tutoring’ as of late (to no small pride of his). She was constantly stealing glances through the window and her heavy-lidded eyes looked just about ready to close under the warm summer light.

He took his time figuring out his next move and eventually gave up and settled for watching her, feeling a fond, amused smile tugging at his lips at the way the sun made her hair shine like gold and how she was already half-asleep.

At one point, her hand slipped from under her head and she was jarred awake, blinking at him with her big green eyes. His breath caught.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she muttered, blushing. “I must not have gotten enough sleep last night.”

“It’s alright...If you want to, you can go and play outside. I have plenty of toys and books here, so I wouldn’t lack amusement.”

He used the smile that had become second-nature to him to show in such situations, but she shook her head.

“It wouldn’t be any fun if you weren’t there with me...I don’t like playing by myself.”

“Okay...is there anything else you’d rather we did together?”

She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. “I don’t think I’m in the proper spirits for anything....intellectually stimulating, sorry,” she smiled.

Before he could put too much thought into it, he said: “Well, we could just...sleep. There are spare blankets in our room.”

For a second she seemed to be considering it, but then both of them realised the implications of such an action and he could feel a blush on his face that doubtlessly matched hers.

Suddenly, her lips turned up into a devious (as far as Elizabeth was capable of such, he mused) smile, and said: “I don’t suppose it would be that big of a problem if we were playing on the floor and just...happened to fall asleep, would it?”

He smiled in return. “I suppose not.”

They asked Tanaka to bring them a blanket and some toys and even pretended to play for a while, anxious lest their intentions should somehow be known, and with the most natural acting they were capable of (he personally thought her sudden falling upon the blanket a bit dramatic), they lied down and fell asleep in companionable silence.

(Years later, when the afternoon light was just right and he had not got enough sleep the previous night, he would still daze and come back to this moment, but then he would catch a black spot at the edge of his vision and his sudden awareness of his butler’s ever-present tiny, knowing smirk would have him awake faster than any douse of cold water ever could.)

* * *

She is the most beautiful thing he has seen since the abduction and her hug is the warmest he has felt in years, but he does not smile back or wrap his arms around her. He is not Ciel, but if it meant she would feel better, he would be; he will not, however, attempt to be the happy child she once knew – not only is it both impossible and illogical, given the circumstances, but it is also better if he kept her at a distance, managed to make her dislike him, even. He is sure she is not capable of hatred, the way the sun is not capable of rising from the west, but he hopes she will be able to feel at least some sort of repugnance at his conduct.

Later, when Sebastian asks him (mock-)innocently if that is any way to treat one’s fiancée, he glares at him, watches the smirk grow into a full-blown grin, and says nothing.

He is a fair employer – he will not prolong his contract more than necessary, and he will not marry her only to subject her to darkness and unhappiness upon his death, or make her an ‘object of interest’ to a demon.

* * *

Tanaka knows. Of course he does.

One day, after their lessons with Sebastian are over and the butler has gone to prepare dinner, his steward informs him, quietly, that Miss Elizabeth is to be expected soon.

He sighs, pen still in hand, his mind registering the remark more as a sign that he is unlikely to get any more work done that day than anything else. “When?”

“As soon as she is finished at the graveyard.”

His pen pauses. “What?”

“Ever since your return, young master, she has been bringing flowers to your brother’s grave before visiting, while Lady Midford brings such for your honourable parents. Miss Elizabeth always lingers, however, and I believe she also says a prayer for him.”

He does not move. He does not breathe, either. For a moment he muses on his lack of fear that his lungs may give out and bring on another cough like he had used to think when he was little and afraid he might die in his sleep because he could not control his breathing while unconscious.

“I thought you should be made aware of that.”

He thinks he hears judgement in the elder man’s voice – judgement, and a hint of exhaustion.

“Thank you, Tanaka.”

The steward bows and excuses himself.

After a few more minutes of internal struggle, he walks over to the next room, from where the graveyard can be seen. Elizabeth is already standing up when he comes in. She touches the gravestone in front of her, and, being able to only see her back, he assumes she is saying a few parting words.

When she turns around, he can see her wiping at her eyes.

He does not know for whom her (and his) heart breaks.

She never talks about ‘his brother’. He refuses to wonder for whose sake that is.

* * *

When she confesses on the ship that the only reason she had never showed him her strength is that ‘he’ had once told her he would not like a strong wife, he nearly replies with “It wasn’t me”.

(“I’ve always admired you.”)

He thinks they are like mirrors, in a way, becoming what they are not for other people’s sake, staying in role for so long it becomes a part of their nature.

He wonders if she would forgive him if he told her the truth, but then Sebastian compliments him on his 'good fortune in love' and that option is once again abandoned.

* * *

At the staircase, as she is pointing her finger at him, shaking with revulsion (_‘isn’t this what you wanted?’_) and accusing him of having lied to all of them, he tries to think of what to say. His mind, however, is flying in a million directions and he cannot seem to grasp the thoughts he needs. He remains mute and mostly deaf to all around him – he registers what is happening, but he is locked away in his mind and cannot respond to the situation in any other manner than his now default indifference.

At some point, he finds the self-righteous anger that had driven him to where he is now and he is furious with everyone, even with her, for refusing to see his side of things, for believing he was capable of betraying his queen and country, of betraying them all, and he regains his footing.

He refuses to remember the look in her eyes.

* * *

Undertaker is being distracted by half of the Shinigami’s dispatch division and so Sebastian is free to strike, but then–

_“I will not let you near him!”_

“Sebastian, stop,” he says and the demon halts, looking at him in that exasperated, amused manner of his.

His butler returns by his side and is ordered to stay where he is.

He starts slowly walking towards her, Ciel watching him from behind her back with a derisive smile on his face. She is trembling – fury, fear, sadness all in one frame.

His hands reach behind his head and he unties his eyepatch, lets it fall to the ground, sees her eyes widen in shock.

He stops before her, within swinging distance of her rapier.

“Choose, Lizzie.”

She chokes on his name, her tremours becoming even more pronounced.

“You lied to me,” she manages, tears streaming down her face.

“I did.” _Would you care to guess why?_

Elizabeth strikes, her eyes closed, refusing to look at her target, but her rapier lands into thin air.

He sees her spin around, seeing him lifted by Sebastian on his left arm, the demon’s right going through Ciel’s chest.

She does not scream. She simply crumbles, but then Undertaker is upon them and there is no time for him to feel the pain in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> This OTP. Yes.  
I hope this is somehow comprehensible. Title and lyrics from Dotan's 'Bones' - the instrumental matches mood more than the words do, so I recommend you check it out.


End file.
